Living Life Without Alcohol

Hey hey, this is Ryan, one of the co-founders of Pitch. As we’re winding down what has come to be known as ‘sober January,’ I’d like to share some reflections on my own sober curious journey, and some encouragement for anyone who is currently reevaluating their relationship with alcohol.

My first friendly reminder:

You can ‘stop drinking’ anytime.

It can be right now or next week. It doesn’t have to be for a whole calendar month. It didn’t have to be Jan 1st! I think a lot of people look at this month as a ‘safe’ time to take a break because of the social safety net provided by ‘Dry January’.

I took my first intentional break from drinking on my 29th birthday. I was reflecting on how much of my social life and habits revolved around alcohol throughout my 20s. My relationship with alcohol wasn’t out of control, but it had enough influence on my lifestyle that I wanted to challenge myself and felt that the final year of my 20s would be a nice accolade.

And now I’m happier and feel more connected to the world than I’ve ever been.

Pitch autumn tea party in the Lower East Side of New York City

The most positive outcome of my sobriety:

I have more time, energy, and money as a result of not drinking.

It boils down to this: going out just to get drinks took up a significant portion of my free time, the effect of alcohol was a net negative on my health, and all of the ABV percentages, happy hour specials, and calories really added up. I am grateful to say that today, my mind is clearer and body is way less bloated. Win-win.

Alcohol was toxic to my sleep and it’s nice to no longer have to worry about nursing morning hangovers. Honestly, though, your life doesn’t automatically improve when you stop drinking. You just quickly realize how significant the negative effects were.

The a-ha moment happened over and over again every time I went out and had just as much fun without the drinks. Perhaps my entire life I’ve never needed alcohol to have fun, but also that sitting in a room with just tables and chairs and drinking is no longer my ideal experience.

Anecdotal evidence aside, Stanford Professor and neuroscientist Andrew Huberman, has concluded that even one drink per evening can negatively impact your energy, focus, hormones, dopamine, sleep quality, gut health, and overall mood. At this point, I would rather have all of those bodily functions acting without the burden of alcohol on my system.

Smiling through the pain after running our second marathon together

And the biggest challenge I had to navigate while choosing sobriety:

My social life completely shifted once I was no longer drinking.

The social culture in New York City revolves around alcohol. Once people learn you won’t be drinking, the number of invites you’ll get to go out will naturally start to dwindle. You’re simply perceived as a buzzkill to people who intend to party, and that’s fine! That’s why some of them were just your drinking friends.

Try to make it as clear as possible that you’re still down to hang, but not to drink. It’s in my bio on the apps and transparent for people to see upfront. Your true friends will still want to hangout with you, and there’s a long list of ways to enjoy life in the city without drinks. Your social life doesn’t have to die because you are sober — it just requires you to make your own magic.

There was plenty of magic when our team of grown adults went to Disneyland

When it comes to dating, the dynamics drastically change when you’re sober. Holding an intimate conversation will take more effort because it requires genuine energy from both sides. It’s more difficult to fake being interested, or force a connection that isn't there without alcohol as a social lubricant.

If your date wants to drink while you abstain, that’s fine! But it can get awkward fast if your date gets loaded. You aren’t on the same level at that point, and intimacy should be avoided.

When you eliminate alcohol from your lifestyle, chances are you won’t be sleeping around as much as when you were drinking. Sober sex is more passionate because intimacy without drinking requires a sincere connection, and that often translates into something pretty awesome and special.

If you go on multiple dates with somebody and you’re both completely sober, that says a lot about the genuineness of your connection.

My top tip for those of you who have read this far and are still sober curious:

If you want to live a healthier life, avoid alcohol and swap out the temptation whenever you can.

Ask a friend if they feel the same way: it definitely helped that my co-founder and roommate Michael wanted to make the change too.

Choosing activities that naturally don’t involve alcohol is helpful — art galleries, rec sports, and shared-interest clubs are great ways to become active in a small social circle without drinking. That said, just because they sell alcohol at concert venues doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the music without it. No joke, the vibe is actually pretty tight when you’re not waiting in line to spend $20 on a beer.

Make it inconvenient to drink: don’t purchase any when you’re at the grocery store, and clear it from your home. Your friends who drink will probably appreciate this free booze. This is habit forming/breaking 101 — shout out to Atomic Habits by James Clear.

You don’t have to cut everything out all at once if you don’t want to. Start by raising your standards for higher-end, more expensive selections to enjoy on special occasions. This will elevate your appreciation for quality and reprogram your mind to view alcohol as a treat, and not a part of your routine social diet.

It’s tough to begin explaining that you don’t drink, especially to people you’ve previously toasted with. It can feel mandatory in business networking contexts. I’ll implore you to confidently try saying ‘no thanks’ and moving the conversation forward without waiting for peer pressure to persuade you.

Drinking tea and making real plans with Daniel in Central Park again

I’ll leave you with this for now:

Each day, the choice is yours, but that choice doesn’t even cross my mind anymore.

There is a whole world of things you can enjoy without alcohol, and we’ll be sharing more tips and ideas around sober curiosity in the coming weeks.

Your friend,
Ryan

P.S. If you want to Make Real Plans with us, download Pitch Social and follow along @makerealplans on social media!